Rolling in the Deep

This could be the longest goodbye in history.

We’ve been riding the wave from week to week of uncertainty, coupled with victories, challenges, and a constant stream of change.

There’s that analogy of the Mother of all waves, the Big Kahuna that comes along when you least expect it, and you have two choices……..you fight it with all your might, thrown to the mercy of an undeniable force, and you drown in defeat.

Or you flow………draw a deep breath, close your eyes and hang on for the ride of your life!!

Our situation has changed 1,000 fold since 3 months ago when it became apparent that we would be moving on and relocating back to Dubai.  What started as “let’s go!!” then shifted to “let’s sell everything, take a trip halfway around the world and go!!”….to “let’s go to 2 separate countries to follow what we each believe to be the best for all of us!!”, and now the final straw of “let’s go, be together and be grateful that we have so many options!!!”.

I’m not going to lie.  These past few months have been HARD.  I could sugar coat it, dust it with glitter, or polish it up to a story of absolute carefree perfection, but I prefer to share with you our truth of what this transition has been like for us.

We have shifted through a vortex of awakening and realization in all aspects of our lives.  Like any couple, we have had to exhaust all avenues in our relationship in trying to find “middle ground” and a compromise when so many times our visions and directions seemed to clash. It has been trying………but rewarding.

We have both had to dig and rebuild foundations that have constantly been changing.  Trying to provide some kind of stability for our children, while trying to preserve even the tiniest bit of sanity for ourselves.

We have climbed the mountain, checked out the vista, and fought through periods of doubt, fear, anxiety, and anger.

Our lines of communication were so crossed and misunderstood that we needed to go and seek professional help to get ourselves back on the same wavelength and be able to see things from each other’s perspective.  A truly enlightening experience!!

For me, it’s important to bear my soul and share the deepest wounds that I intend to heal.  We are all paralyzed and infected with the emotional poisons that intoxicate us every day.  If we don’t share, we don’t shed, and if we don’t shed, we allow our daily poisons to fester and accumulate.  It’s not always easy to open up, and it doesn’t mean you have to go out with a megaphone and shout out your problems to the world….but even by just writing them down, acknowledging what’s holding you back in your ability to have “peace of mind”, you start the healing journey.  And then all of a sudden, you overhear someone telling a story of their struggles and think “Hey, that sounds like me……..maybe I’ll share my experience to help ease some of their pain”.

Sometimes sharing your experiences with a complete stranger can help to bring clarity without judgement.  If we were to share a similar experience with a friend or family member, we may be inclined to put up the walls of defense, feeling that those who think they know us best may add to our poison.

The energies of 2012 are all about transformation, healing, and rising up to our greatest potential.  It’s about cleaning, clearing, and being!!

We are finally coming out the other side of a challenging time in our lives once again.  I can clearly see all the gifts we have been given from these challenges, and what better way to throw them off the edge of the world than to take a road trip to Cape Reinga, New Zealand’s most northern point.  The Maori’s believe that this is the place where spirits make their way to the afterlife.

“According to mythology, the spirits of the dead travel to Cape Reinga on their journey to the afterlife to leap off the headland and climb the roots of the 800 year old tree and descend to the underworld to return to their traditional homeland of Hawaiki, using theTe Ara Wairua, the ‘Spirits’ pathway’. At Cape Reinga they depart the mainland. They turn briefly at the Three Kings Islands for one last look back towards the land, then continue on their journey.^[4]”  

(Quoted from Wikipedia)

For us, it felt like a rite of passage, giving thanks for all the wonderful experiences we have had here, and throwing our old ways of thinking and being that no longer serve us out to sea.

I can most certainly say it was one of the most breathtaking places I have been, and the energy of the elements was undeniably powerful!

Lily and I climbed up to the top and I nearly had a coronary when I realized how high up we were and that there was nothing stopping us from toppling off the side of the cliff!! I asked the older girls when Lily and I got to the bottom if they were scared coming down.  I always find it interesting how kids just have that sense of living in the moment and not worrying about fear.  It just comes naturally to them and so naturally, they looked at me as if I had asked them something strange and carried on their way!!! Haha!

After sitting in the car for more than 12 hours in total, the kids were happy to get out and run free!! The funniest part was when we pulled up to the carpark and Olivia says to us “Is this it??  Where is the town??” while she’s clutching her little handbag and dreaming of going shopping with her friend “You mean we just spent 12 hours in the car for this?”.  James and I both burst out laughing…..it really was quite funny, and thankfully once she saw the view and what an incredible place it is, she was admitted it was worth it (as much as a 10 year old is willing to admit!! Haha!).

And we all had our little moments of contemplation and appreciation as we made our way over to the lighthouse and to admire the full expanse of the view.

We finished the trip off with a visit to the amazing sand dunes at 90 mile beach….

and then had our last ceremonial “Fush and chups” at the World Famous Mongonui Fish and Chip shop while we watched the boats sail by and the sun set….

Gotta watch those hot chips Rubes!!! Ruby knows that you’ve got to blow before you can touch them….I just love how enthusiastic she gets and goes into “turbo blow” mode!!!

And as we were cruising home on that stretch of open road, Adele was blaring through the radio and the line stuck with me “there’s a fire starting in my heart, reaching a fever pitch and it’s bringing me out of the dark”, and instead of seeing things through Adele’s broken heart, I saw a future so bright and so full of promise that it made me smile.

New Zealand has provided me with a loving, nurturing and caring environment where I’ve been able to assess my life and shed light on issues that I may not have faced had I been elsewhere.  And so in a sense, I have come out of the dark in many ways…..and seen obstacles in my life as blessings and new opportunities.

The road is open and stretches into the infinite.

I will always remember the simplicity, beauty and grace that New Zealand has shown me.

Next stop Dubai!!! We leave on Saturday to start the next chapter of our lives where James will take on a new job based in Dubai  mainly working in Africa (very exciting for him!), and I will set up shop with Nektar and further develop my brand while settling back into life in the desert!

See you on the other side!!

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